Perfection is in the Eyes of the Beholder

To say that I'm not religious would be an understatement. However, I do believe in God. When Taylor was born I was attending the church of her father (my ex-husband now) and it was a fundamentalist, Pentecostal church. While I was going through everything with Taylor, I had several members of the church tell me that I wasn't praying hard enough or didn't have enough faith and that was why Taylor wasn't "made whole & normal". Thankfully, the majority of the people were not like that, but those few are what started my questioning of the whole religious thing.

I came across this poem on someone's blog and saved it awhile ago. Today, I thought I would post it here because regardless of what you believe, I think it touches "something" inside. Yes, it made me cry but then anything like this usually does. Taylor is eternal innocence and I just wanted to share.

"As a small group of political and church leaders look on,

Jesus lifts a mentally handicapped child out of her chair kisses her and sits her on his knee. He dips a crust of bread in wine and feeds it to her, morsel by morsel.

As he does so, Jesus says:"I know what you are thinking. You need a sign. What better one could I give than to make this little one whole and new?

I could do it; but I will not.

I am the Lord and not a conjurer.

I gave this mite a gift I denied all of you -- eternal innocence.

To you she looks imperfect

But to me she is flawless,

Like the bud that dies unopened or the fledgling that falls from the nest to be devoured by ants. She will never offend me, as all of you have done.

She will never pervert or destroy the work of {my} hands.

She is necessary to you.

She will evoke the kindness that will keep you human.

Her infirmity will prompt you to gratitude for your own good fortune...More!

She will remind you that every day I am who I am, that my ways are not your ways and that the smallest dust mote whirled in the darkest space does not fall out of my hand...

I have chosen you.

You have not chosen me.

This little one is my sign to you.

Treasure her!"

Divine Intervention

I wrote this about 9 months ago before I got the idea to start putting all my writings about Taylor in an online journal. I happened to find it tonight tucked away in a folder and thought I would publish it here. It was very nice to remember how I felt.

You know, there are those times in life when you realize that Someone bigger than yourself is directing what you do. I had one of those days today. It's not that i don't believe in God…i most certainly do. I just have some trouble right now reconciling religion and the way I live (not being married to my significant other). Okay, enough about religion. This entry has to do with being directed by God to a place where I was needed.

So,I decided to run to the grocery store to get a few things. I didn't really need to go, but I figured, "why not". As usual, when Taylor is home, I take her with me. She loves going to the store. She has quite a few "friends" there. By friends, I mean employees. They are always so sweet to her.

Anyway, Taylor and I finish shopping and head to the checkout line. I was going to go to the Express lane, but thought I had one too many items, so I headed to the next one. The cashier smiled at Taylor and then she started to tear up. She apologized and then went on to tell me that her 8 year old son was hurt by someone when he was 7 months old and was now profoundly developmentally delayed with seizures.

She told me that she had been feeling down all day, but that seeing Taylor gave her some hope for her child and what he may be like as an adult. Taylor was being her normal cute self and that was the best compliment that I could have ever gotten about her.

She needed to be lifted up today and the fact that Taylor and I went to the store and ended up in her line was not a coincidence. To me, it was "divine intervention". God put Taylor and I in a place to be of help to someone who needed lifted out of the despair she was feeling. By doing that, we helped her, but I was also helped. I was shown that my profoundly, developmentally delayed child has a purpose in life, other than being my baby. She can be an example of what God's love on earth is like.