Thursday, June 24, 2010

Still Shaking

Taylor marie Sutherland Graduates 036_edited-1       Not part of the story, but I wanted to share this picture Taylor’s sister took. 

It’s been a couple of hours and I think I’m still shaking.  I’ve been lucky in that since Taylor learned how to walk at the age of 6, she never really strayed away from my side or line of sight when we’ve been out.

However, since we’ve noticed the decrease in some of her functions, she has stepped away from my side but never really completely out of my line of sight.

This morning, all that changed.  She loves to go to the grocery store with me.  She always stands with me at checkout because she wants to make sure those food items that are specifically hers get put in bags.  God forbid we leave something behind.

This morning, I was busy running my debit card to pay, just assuming Taylor was right there with me as usual but when I was done and looked up, she was nowhere in sight.  My heart dropped to my feet.  I started calling her name and looking at the usual places she might go.  The deli ladies at the store know and love Taylor and so I thought maybe she walked over there, but no.

By now, I was panicking, thinking that as friendly as Taylor is, she walked away with someone.  I was crying, the clerk was crying (yes, Taylor is well-known & loved at Safeway…gotta love a small town) and the manager was helping me try to find her.

One of the stock boys saw us and said, “are you looking for Taylor”?  Yes, I know, even the stock boy knows her name.  Anyway, he said that Taylor was in the back of the store in the bakery section, looking at the freshly made bagels.  When I saw her, I had that mom moment where you can’t decide if you want to strangle your child or hug them to death.

I opted for expressing my displeasure at her behavior and holding her hand then hugging her while trying not to faint from relief.  I looked at her face and realized that honestly, she wasn’t all there.  She had this vacant, disconnected look on her face.  I think that scared me even more.

I’m hoping that it was just “a moment” and that it’s not going to turn into a regular occurrence.  Knowing that Taylor wasn’t going to wander off is apparently something I took for granted and now I know…I no longer have that luxury.


Becca said...

Oh, thank goodness she's okay!!! I really can't imagine how scary that must have been. Knowing that so many people know her there must bring comfort in some way, though. I doubt she could have gotten far.

I hope she was just having a "moment" and hope it was the last of such. Can you perhaps make her stand right beside you going forward? Or perhaps holding your hand or arm?

Perhaps there's some sort of surgery you can undergo to have some eyes put on the back of your head...think that might work? :-)

My name is Sarah said...

This is Joyce, That picture of Taylor at graduation is awesome. Ugh that feeling of panic. I too have experienced that of late with Sarah. I don't know why. Then the disconnected look that melts your heart until the fear sets back in. I sure am thinking of you.

HappilyFlawed said...

Oh my heck! I am sooo sorry for you! Reading it my heart raced in panic for you. Im so glad she was safe. Maybe its time to take a bit of velcro and velcro your wrists together and make a game of how much does mommy love me enough to be hooked to me.

I hope that everything is ok, and nothing more serious is going on.

kristin said...

Oh my word! How scary! I am glad you found her and that is great that so many people know her. What a joy!

I too hope it was just a moment!

tumbleweedgirl said...

wow, my heart was racing just reading this. i can't imagine how much more yours was. i truly hope this was a random thing.