Thursday, April 29, 2010

Changes

Taylor prom I’ve been a crying mess the last few days when I start talking about Taylor’s graduation with her teachers.  I’m not the only one.  They are crying messes too.  They said they are going to miss her sweet smile and her constant cheerfulness.

You would think I would be ecstatic about my profoundly developmentally disabled child graduating high school and I think a part of me is.  However, we embark on a whole new journey of learning to trust.

When I said my non-verbal Taylor off to school, I have no worries that anyone is mistreating, ignoring, or doing anything else negative to her.  She can’t come home and tell me about her day.  I have to rely on those teacher who I’ve come to know and love.

After graduating, we have to find a program that has things she can do.  Also, because of her seizures, she requires constant supervision, so she can’t just be '”turned loose” in a work program. 

I’ve picked the program I think best suits Taylor and her teachers agree that it’s the best one for her.  Unfortunately, things for Taylor just aren’t as cut & dried as they are for a lot of her classmates. 

So now, Taylor’s cap & gown has been ordered.  She will walk across the stage early so she doesn’t have to sit for a long period of time.  Just writing that brings tears to my eyes.  Change is hard when you have a child like Taylor.  She’s so happy going to school.  I want her to be as happy as that after school.  Maybe it’s just me.  I’m sure Taylor will adjust to the different program.  Anything that gets her out and able to socialize makes her happy. 

Right now, I just know that I’m the one having the trouble adjusting.  It can be hard to have a daughter who remains a perpetual child while growing in chronological age.  The world isn’t geared towards that.  Everyone has to age out of the system and right now, for me, it sucks.

Okay, I guess that was my whine for the month…or maybe week…more likely day.

2 comments:

HappilyFlawed said...

You do realize that what your feeling is perfectly normal for any parent right? I mean you have everything at this moment that every other parent in the world has with a graduating child, just a lil different.

While they are worrying about what the kids will be doing off at school, your going to be worrying about her at her program ....the only difference one is a program the other is school, the similarity you and them are worrying about the new influences on your child and their life.

Your child may not be leaving home but is leaving for a new environment, some of the other parents have the same thing but with independence being the kicker, while some have them out of the house.

Maybe that's how you should look at it, you are at the point in life where you and taylor are lumped in with what society considers normal.

Maybe thats stupid, but you know me and always trying to find some kind of silver lining for everything.

I cant wait to see the pics of her walking across the stage...or will you have video for us? big hugs!

Darkwing DuCK said...

Dawn,
You embrace Taylor and her life with such grace, hope and honesty. I wonder how you got to this place of celebrating her and accepting her, for exactly who she is, not who you dreamed she would be before she was born.

You could help young moms who have children with exceptionalities, by sharing your journey.