Monday, November 9, 2009

Sometimes…& Seizures Suck!

I got my first blog award. Thanks Jennifer. I know that I blog as a way to vent and I do hope that what I write can be of help to others but I will admit that there is also a part of me that likes it when I know people are reading my blog. I like to get comments. While that isn't the sole purpose of blogging, I would be lying if I said I could care less whether anyone comments…I do.

Today has been a rough day here. Taylor has been on the new seizure med Banzel since Thursday night. I know that it hasn't had a chance to build up in her system but I sure hope it will hurry up and help. The school called today and I had to go pick Taylor up. She was seizing too much for them to handle. Taylor had over 40 seizures in 20 minutes. The teacher/aides are very good about writing down every seizure and the time and the poor lady was carrying around a piece of paper trying to keep track.

She came home and has been seizing like crazy. She's had some serious drop seizures. There's a second nature to Taylor. I think she has an aura or something because she'll be standing there and then all of a sudden reach for the wall/chair/person…whatever she can grab to hold on to a second before she would have fallen due to a seizure.

Probably 3 – 4 years ago, I would have packed her off to the ER for IV Ativan to try and slow down her seizure activity. Now, I just don't see the need. Her seizures are uncontrolled…I know that. I just don't want to fill up her time with short acting medicines and needles (even if she does have a port).

Sometimes I feel like I've given up on her. Sometimes I second guess my decisions and wonder if I'm doing what's best for her. I hate those feelings. I feel that I'm making the best decisions I know how to make for Taylor but I guess only time will tell if I've chosen correctly or wisely.

There are no absolutes when it comes to treatment for Taylor. I just know she is much happier throwing her toys into the bathtub than she would be, in the hospital, hooked up to an IV being pumped full of a barbiturate.

The rules state that I get to pass this along to 15 other newly discovered blogs that I love. Should any of you choose to accept this mission…post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award, and his or her blog link. Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you’ve newly discovered. Remember to contact the blogger to let them know they have been chosen for this award. I don’t have 15 blogs to pass it on to, but I am going to pick those blogs that I think rock! Please check them out, they are great reads.
1. Blogzilly
2. ConlonClan
3. Model Trains – A Hobby Revisited
4. Lila’s Miracle Life
5. The Bates Motel
6. Rissa Roo & Her Family Too
7. Lia Joy
8. Paisley Place
9. Alabama Slacker Mama
10. Anemone Pie
11. Colton’s Journey


HappilyFlawed said...

Personally i dont see it as you giving up on Taylor. I see it as a full circle of doing everything and realizing that not running off to the er is truly the better solution.

All for the good of our kids and if seizing all day while tossing toys is the better...then so be it!

Alicia said...

You definitely have not given up on Taylor. In fact, the exact opposite. After 20 years, you know how to manage her at home and you are right, she is better staying at home doing what she loves than in the hospital being confined. Besides hospitals are full of sick people and you would be exposing her to all kinds of germs unnecessarily.

All of this to say that from what I have read, you are the best Mama Taylor could have ever hoped for. Second guessing is part of the job, unfortunately. But when you make a decision and have your daughter's best interests at heart, it IS the right decision.

Thank you for the blog award. I agree, it is a good feeling to know people out there are reading. : )

I hope yours and Taylor's day is a better one.

Anonymous said...

I think you've shown through your blog AND your vents that you are an amazing mom to Taylor, and have gone the entire opposite direction of giving up. Feeling helpless in a situation is very different than giving up. And giving up on knowing the doctors always know best (since they really don't!) and focusing on Taylor and what any mother should do. Love reading of your & your love for her, which is very obvious :)

And congrats on the award! :) Recognition is great :)

heather said...

i also agree that you aren't giving up on taylor. you do understand the reality of what she's going through. you will still be making the decisions that are best for her. always...

thank you for the award!!! =)

justjaime31 said...

YOU are making the best decisions you can for Taylor. I agree, she is better of at home and happier then being stuck in a hospital bed. And after they do the IV, then what? She comes home and it happens all over again.

it sucks as parent knowing what is right and what is wrong for our kids. But stick with your gut instinct!!

I also love reading your posts, wether they are vents or happy posts!!

Jennifer said...

Yeah what they said! You know Taylor better than any doctor, what she needs, wants, and what's best for her. That's what being a mother is all about. Being Taylor's mother just takes that to extremes.

I'm glad you liked your award, I LOVE reading your blog. And I found a couple new ones to check out in your tags too!

Cody Sharene said...

You're an amazing mother. Trust yourself, you're doing the right thing.

barefootRhys said...


i wish i had something better to say than 'i care'. you are doing what's right. it's not giving up as much as letting her set the pace for her life as much as possible.

i am glad that she is happy. that she smiles and laughs.

Becca said...

I also don't see it as you giving up on Taylor. You know her better than anybody, and have made enough right decisions for her to help her grow into the happy, beautiful young lady that she is.

Thank you for the blog award, Dawn! That's a real honor! I may have to think about that for a while. I'm such a BAD blog reader lately that I feel I don't deserve it and wouldn't be able to pay it forward the way it should be. LOL I'll try to address it in my next post. That reminds me, do I have your blog in my blogroll? I'm terribly lazy about updating it. Heaven forbid, I have to cut and paste links and stuff. Hahahaha. :-)